Deaths not an option

but it should be. Ok, I’m only saying this because I am in very extreme migraine pain. When this happens I take medications. Then a few hours later I have to take more medications. If that doesn’t help, then I have to go to the ER and have them inject me with even more medications. The migraines are daily, so the ER trips are at least once a month.

I’m very very tired of being in pain. I still cannot mentally grasp the idea that I can be in this much pain and not die. This much pain should equal death. The stupid chart at the ER even lies about this. It goes all the way to 10 for pain, at that point, shouldn’t death be likely? In so much pain that you die, that is the amount for 10. Yet, I am often in the ER, trying to explain my pain is eleven billion, when they refuse that and say I can’t go over 10, so I say ten, then I still don’t die.

This is not a “oh I’m so miserable I’ll commit suicide” thing. I don’t believe in suicide. This is a non sensicle pain thing. I’ve tried to explain to my girlfriend the advantages and disadvantages to my being dead. Here they are:

Advantages:

  1. No longer having to pay for health insurance
  2. No longer having to pay doctor and ER bills
  3. Cheaper groceries
  4. Satisfying ghost sex
  5. More closet space
  6. Less awkward family gatherings
  7. More space in bed
  8. Keeping the thermostat above 70
  9. No more dancing movies

Disadvantages:

  1. No more chocolate chip cookies that I make
  2. No one here to let the dogs out to pee during the day
  3. No more pajama movie night
  4. No more satisfying corporeal sex
  5. I can’t cut her hair anymore
  6. No more fish face- silly face I make that made her fall in love with me

    This Fish Face

  7. I won’t be here to attempt to put the cats in boxes they can’t fit in for amusement
  8. My super sniffer can’t detect cat poop the moment it happens- possibly an advantage.
  9. The laundry wouldn’t get done properly anymore

For the moment, I will just take another dose of medicine and watch some more Buffy the Vampire Slayer until I’m either feeling better or too tired to care, or just give up and go to the ER.

2 thoughts on “Deaths not an option

  1. I think Diannes main issue with the satisfying ghost sex is that theres no guarantee I’ll be a ghost. My spirit could be instantly reincarnated, or there might be no afterlife, or maybe there is some enlightenment heaven type place and I end up there. Even the slight possibility someone steals my soul and traps it in an urn or jelly jar or something. I don’t think that last one is very likely though.