Vicodin doesn’t exist

I’m just going to type up a quick conversation I’m having with my brain. It’s also 2:40 am, there’s your context.

Me: “I should sleep. Why am I not sleepy? Stupid theoatmeal.com, if it wasn’t so interesting I wouldn’t be awake.”

Brain: “I don’t want to sleep. Put on another episode of Angel and read more of theoatmeal.com. How’s your jaw and tooth area feeling?”

Me: “I really should sleep. Its late. I think I’m tired, I might even yawn. My jaw and tooth still hurt. And I keep finding miscellaneous mouth and dentistry garbage in my mouth. Should I take something for the pain? I’ve already taken 4 Vicodin today, and lots of other things.”

Brain: “You really should take more Vicodin. I might consider sleep then, but only if you take Ambien or Sonata too. Maybe some ibuprofen just in case. And a muscle relaxer. Wait, all of that will make Stomach upset. Take a zofran too.”

Me: “That’s a ton of pills. I took most of those earlier. Vicodin and sleeping pills? Who am I now, Elvis? Plus, I think all of these eventually will do damage to my liver, or was it my kidneys…”

Brain: “Shhhh. It’s ok. If you can’t feel the effects of the drugs, then the drugs don’t exist. It’s basically like they just decided not to digest and enter your bloodstream. You’re just going to poop them out later. It’ll be ok. Who has been telling you these lies about your organs? Was it Gall Bladder, that bitch, where’s my shovel.”

Me: “You know, this chat is a bit insane. Maybe we should give each other some space…”

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