Whats that noise?

This is a rant. You’ve been warned.

That noise? Oh, that’s children. Yeah, they make that fucking noise. All. The. Time. It never stops. Ever. If you’re sitting somewhere and you hear some irritating sound, like screaming, or screeching, or grating laughter, or whining, that’s children. They don’t make words come out of their faces that do not include those sounds. How is it people with children don’t commit suicide over having to hear this noise all the time? No wonder my parents are drug addicts! Three kids, that noise, all the time? Yeah, good thing my xanax just got refilled. So far, there is not enough xanax for this.

These are the three ways I’ve found to escape the noise: Turn up your TV/Music Machine of some sort/ Computer, put in some high grade earplugs, build a soundproof bubble.

Normally, I just hear the horrible little neighbourhood spawn running around outside, and I can drown them out with electronic devices. However, two children are staying at my house right now. I’m not going to explain the how’s and why’s. Dante should have included children as one of the tortures in a circle of hell.

I haven’t even said anything about the mass amount of grime and germs. Fuck.

(any comments left about how I’m a horrible person for not liking kids, for not doing what ever blah blah bullshit because they’re so fucking special, how if I had kids it would be different, or any other pro breeding crap, will not be approved, so don’t even bother, this is a rant, get over your overpopulating selves)

3 thoughts on “Whats that noise?

  1. You’re not a horrible person. I have one of those noise machines, and you’re totally right. I love him, he’s insanely intelligent, my life is richer than it ever was without him — and he never fucking shuts up. Like ever. Holy hell. It’s really unbelievable until you experience it. His specialty is taking something that I otherwise would love discussing, and being so batshit incessant about it that I end up never wanting to discuss that thing again. I ended up yelling about the nature of the Force and whether the Mortis arc messes with its representation (Diane might know, if that doesn’t make sense to you) — I loved the discussion for like 30 seconds and then he went into rapid-fire mode for half an hour of nonstop, volume-up-to-eleven talking AT me, until my only response was “MAYBE THEY CAN BE RECONCILED, BUT I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!! NOW EAT YOUR PIZZA AND THEN SCOOP THE CAT LITTER!”

    Anyway, I think that’s a little different from your issue, but the incessant nature of it is what gets to us sane adult-type-people, I think. I sympathize. At least my son doesn’t do the screeching thing much. We were out where a kid was doing that the other day. Never before have I so wanted to spike a three-year-old like a football.

    • At least I know its normal and to be expected, even if I hate it. Thank you for being one of the parents I know I can mention things to and find out if anything is strange or typical about kids. I haven’t figured out how to make them be quiet yet. They tend to have the attention span of gnats, so making them do anything for more than ten minutes seems impossible. I’m exaggerating, ten minutes is much longer than their attention spans.

      I realized the day after I wrote this it is an full blown rage panic attack. If ever someone needed to see what a panic attack looked like in writing, this would be a perfect example. When I calmed down I actually had to go back and read it because I don’t even remember writing most of it.