This is how sex should be explained:
When two or more rocks find each other, and they like something about each other, or are lonely, or bored, or they found some alcohol, they start rubbing together. Eventually this rubbing makes fire, which builds up, then sometimes is messy, and might destroy a home. If they rub too hard or too often, certain kinds of rocks break off and will make baby rocks.
Good rocks remember to wrap themselves in plastic, that way baby rocks won’t be made, and they can be sure that they won’t get sick if the rocks they rub against are sick. Sometimes, some rocks with have something on them, like fungus, or crabs. Then the rocks have to go to the doctor and get medicine. This rock is also a good rock, and tells all the other rocks that it rubbed against what has happened, so the other rocks can make sure they don’t have fungus or crabs too.
Or you could just get over it and be honest with your kids about sex, you know, that way they’re not idiots.