The boring coming out

I really enjoy Hannah Hart’s My Drunk Kitchen, and I watch a few of her other videos. I recently watched her Coming Out Part 1 and Part 2.

Is it silly I feel a little bad that my coming out story is so boring? I know someday I would like to write a memoir (who doesn’t?), and that should be included. I don’t know what to write about it. I didn’t have any crisis about who I am, the people in my family I care about didn’t care, or did a really good job pretending they didn’t care. My friends didn’t care. The most difficult part was convincing anyone I was gay, because I’m femme so for the first few years I got that very irritating “You’re too pretty to be gay”. By the way, that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.

The people who had issues with me being gay said dumb things that should have insulted me, but instead I just thought they were insane. I came out when I was 17, which was in 1997, in Mesa, Arizona. This is not exactly the most progressive area. I then went (very stupidly) to a private christian college (I’m not christian either, double trouble). To say I got some shit for being gay would be an understatement. The upside? I was raised by a hippie and a biker. I learned to be completely insane and be ok with who I was, even if I didn’t know who the hell that person was.

Here are the most tumultuous parts of coming out for me:

I am always coming out. I don’t do it vocally anymore, there aren’t any “oh, I’m gay by the way” confessions. Because you confess things that you’re ashamed of, or feel are wrong. I don’t. I talk about my girlfriend and use all those words because its normal to me. If someone needs to be eased into it, that’s their problem, not mine.

I dated boys and girls in high school. I slept with both too. I had a very crazy sex life for a high schooler. When I finally figured it out, after what I felt was plenty of experimentation, I had just as much trouble convincing girls I was gay, as I did boys.

I got kicked out of that private college for being gay. Not just that, but I wouldn’t apologize for it, or “renounce” it, or try to not be gay. My girlfriend at the time did. That was shitty. I was more upset about that than being kicked out of school.

Last, I spent several years trying to figure out how to “be gay”. I don’t mean sex. I mean my horrifying attempt at not being femme. I had no idea. Mesa is not a big place, I didn’t know that you didn’t have to be butch to be a lesbian. Someone should make that known. Same that you don’t have to be femme either. Be whatever. But all the lesbians I knew were butch, so I just figured thats how it worked. I’m over that now. Thank the gods.

Thats the bulk of my coming out. So wake up now if it was too boring. Go look at a few of my puppet pics for the beginning of my puppet project.

Questions for christian type people

Ok, this is not ment to be offensive in any way. I am asking honest questions as someone who was not raised christian. I would be happy to read some responses. However, responses such as “because”, “because I have faith”, etc, basically, ones that don’t have any backup info and are based entirely on feelings and beliefs will not be helpfull. Also, please do not assume from these questions that I have any interest in converting. I am very happy with my beliefs. :)

1 Was christ jesus’s last name? If not, did he have two first names like someone from the south like billy bob?

2  What happened to their family line? Did they die out? Do they have a family tree floating around somewhere?

3 Did jesus have brothers and sisters? If not, why? If he did, what are their names?

4  How did he go from being jewish to being god?

5 If he’s the son of god, and god, how does that work?

6 If he’s god, where was god while he was busy being jesus. And for that matter, why didn’t the world fall apart during that time?

7  Was mary mad when jesus said he was not going to be jewish anymore? Did she think he was crazy when he announced he was god?

8 What was god doing while waiting for christianity to be invented? Was he irritated that no one worshipped him?

9 Why didn’t jesus write the bible? Its his book it sounds like it should be his responsibility. Why was it written so long after he died? How do you know the stuff in it is all true? (faith is not an answer to this question)

10 What is the holy ghost, and is it the same as the holy spirit.

11 If god and jesus are in heaven, and they’re the same thing, does that essentially make christianity polytheistic?

12  If the devil is less powerful than god, then why does he have so much power? Why doesn’t your god just get rid of him or at least control him better?

13 Why didn’t anyone accuse jesus of being a witch or anything? Why was he allowed to be magical and do miracles, but if someone else does they’re a witch?

14  If jesus comes back how will he prove it?

15 Why is a guy doing miracles back then acceptable, but people doing them now not.

16  If guys in the bible heard the “voice of god” and did what they were told, why were they believed and not considered mentally ill. If I said I heard the “voice of god” would you think I was mentally ill?

17 Why would you worship a god that you fear? Why does christianity contradict itself with “god is love” and all that smiting stuff. Is that what “blind fear and blind faith” are about?

18 Why were the three wise men considered ok, but other people who see the future and stuff are evil or liars?

19  Was mary upset at jesus for deciding to be god and not jewish? If she knew ahead of time from the nativity scene that he was the son of god, why did she bother raising him jewish?

20  I heard the bible jumps from him being a kid to about 30, why didn’t they include the time inbetween? Was it not important? Was he maybe just practicing his speaches in a cave somewhere?

21 Was jesus a virgin?

22 Why didn’t he get married?

23  He hung out with mostly men, there is a possibility he could have been gay, especially if he had no interest in women, is any of this explained anywhere?

24  What ever happened to mary and joseph and all the other people from the nativity scene?

25 Did the people who wouldn’t give them a room at the inn get smited, or lose the inn to foreclosure?

26  Why are there so many versions of the bible?

27 Why is it ok for churches to have lots of money and have golden crosses and fancy clothes and gigantic overdone buildings? Isn’t that against stuff in the bible or what jesus said or something? And that whole “false idol” thing I saw on Dogma.

28  What is the holy ghosts job?

And so it is

Lately I’ve been pretty interested in Christianity. Not in a way that I want to convert, but in a way that I don’t understand it and it sounds strange to me. I was raised by a hippie and a biker. They raised me to love everyone, no matter what. We never attended a church. I went occasionally with my grandma or aunt, or if I stayed overnight at a friend’s house. Although I was in those churches I never understood what was going on, why people believed the things that were being said.

When I was 17 I foolishly followed my girlfriend at the time to the Christian college she was attending in Kansas. I remember every Wednesday waking up to go to chapel. It was pure hell for me. I am not a morning person, my brain isn’t fully functioning before noon. So I would go, sit there, drowse through (or more commonly, sleep through) whatever they were lecturing. The only time I didn’t was when we had to sing, since that required standing. There was a giant projection screen they would put the lyrics on. My only memory of any of this is singing something about mountains and a fire and killing people. “Holy shit” I thought, these people are fucking crazy.

That’s what I’m getting to with this. I don’t get it. I understand not wanting to anger the gods, and they might punish humans, but Christianity seems to have lots of rules. No one can even agree on what rules to abide by and what rules to ignore, especially as time passes. It seems Christians pick and choose from the Bible as they see fit, and if anyone disagrees with them then they’re a bad Christian. I know, many will say this line of thinking doesn’t apply to everyone, but from where I’m standing, it applies to most.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I guess this will be first in a series of questions on Christianity, faith, and belief systems in general.