Is it silly I feel a little bad that my coming out story is so boring? I know someday I would like to write a memoir (who doesn’t?), and that should be included. I don’t know what to write about it. I didn’t have any crisis about who I am, the people in my family I care about didn’t care, or did a really good job pretending they didn’t care. My friends didn’t care. The most difficult part was convincing anyone I was gay, because I’m femme so for the first few years I got that very irritating “You’re too pretty to be gay”. By the way, that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.
The people who had issues with me being gay said dumb things that should have insulted me, but instead I just thought they were insane. I came out when I was 17, which was in 1997, in Mesa, Arizona. This is not exactly the most progressive area. I then went (very stupidly) to a private christian college (I’m not christian either, double trouble). To say I got some shit for being gay would be an understatement. The upside? I was raised by a hippie and a biker. I learned to be completely insane and be ok with who I was, even if I didn’t know who the hell that person was.
Here are the most tumultuous parts of coming out for me:
I am always coming out. I don’t do it vocally anymore, there aren’t any “oh, I’m gay by the way” confessions. Because you confess things that you’re ashamed of, or feel are wrong. I don’t. I talk about my girlfriend and use all those words because its normal to me. If someone needs to be eased into it, that’s their problem, not mine.
I dated boys and girls in high school. I slept with both too. I had a very crazy sex life for a high schooler. When I finally figured it out, after what I felt was plenty of experimentation, I had just as much trouble convincing girls I was gay, as I did boys.
I got kicked out of that private college for being gay. Not just that, but I wouldn’t apologize for it, or “renounce” it, or try to not be gay. My girlfriend at the time did. That was shitty. I was more upset about that than being kicked out of school.
Last, I spent several years trying to figure out how to “be gay”. I don’t mean sex. I mean my horrifying attempt at not being femme. I had no idea. Mesa is not a big place, I didn’t know that you didn’t have to be butch to be a lesbian. Someone should make that known. Same that you don’t have to be femme either. Be whatever. But all the lesbians I knew were butch, so I just figured thats how it worked. I’m over that now. Thank the gods.
Thats the bulk of my coming out. So wake up now if it was too boring. Go look at a few of my puppet pics for the beginning of my puppet project.