Vicodin doesn’t exist

I’m just going to type up a quick conversation I’m having with my brain. It’s also 2:40 am, there’s your context.

Me: “I should sleep. Why am I not sleepy? Stupid theoatmeal.com, if it wasn’t so interesting I wouldn’t be awake.”

Brain: “I don’t want to sleep. Put on another episode of Angel and read more of theoatmeal.com. How’s your jaw and tooth area feeling?”

Me: “I really should sleep. Its late. I think I’m tired, I might even yawn. My jaw and tooth still hurt. And I keep finding miscellaneous mouth and dentistry garbage in my mouth. Should I take something for the pain? I’ve already taken 4 Vicodin today, and lots of other things.”

Brain: “You really should take more Vicodin. I might consider sleep then, but only if you take Ambien or Sonata too. Maybe some ibuprofen just in case. And a muscle relaxer. Wait, all of that will make Stomach upset. Take a zofran too.”

Me: “That’s a ton of pills. I took most of those earlier. Vicodin and sleeping pills? Who am I now, Elvis? Plus, I think all of these eventually will do damage to my liver, or was it my kidneys…”

Brain: “Shhhh. It’s ok. If you can’t feel the effects of the drugs, then the drugs don’t exist. It’s basically like they just decided not to digest and enter your bloodstream. You’re just going to poop them out later. It’ll be ok. Who has been telling you these lies about your organs? Was it Gall Bladder, that bitch, where’s my shovel.”

Me: “You know, this chat is a bit insane. Maybe we should give each other some space…”

random internets

It could be worse

I am not doing well right now. On top of my normal every day crap, I have a festering tooth that I have to get a root canal on in a few days, and I have my period. Before you go running for the hills thinking I’m going to bitch about feeling crap, I do have a point to make here.

No matter how bad I feel, I remind myself it could always be worse. It helps me feel better and whine less. More people should do that. I don’t know where I got this from, maybe it’s from my parents saying things like “oh you’re bored, well children in Africa are starving.” The downside of this is when your life is worse than someone else’s, and they’re bitching and complaining, there’s not a nice way to tell them to get over it.

For example, I know someone who became a drug addict because her parents got divorced. I’ve never said anything to her, but what a whiny bitch. My parents were crack addicts, I got molested for 6 years by a “family friend”, and then my parents got divorced. Did I become a drug addict? No. Because someone has it worse than me. In all that time that was happening to me, some 12 year old girl in a 3rd world country was probably raped, forced to marry her rapist, then turned into a prostitute by her shitty husband. That’s way worse than my life.

I know that I’m supposed to remember that everyone’s life experience is different, and each persons experiences have their own value. I’m not good at that though. Stop complaining, your life isn’t that bad. Unless you’re that girl in the 3rd world country, then it really is, complain all you want, you totally deserve it.