Side effects may include

I wish I had my own pain scale. It would start at 10 then go from there. Assuming my pain is lower is frustrating. Trying  to explain to anyone, this includes any medical professional that I ALWAYS have a migraine is difficult. Most people can’t comprehend it so it gets sort of ignored. Or sometimes I’m told I’m lying. Because this is something to lie about. Excruciating pain in my head, neck, and stomach, please, give me your attention. You can tell I want attention by how often I hide in my bedroom in the dark not interacting with anyone. I can’t even blog regularly, or use social media, or text. I love all this extra attention  (sarcasm if you can’t tell).

Why am I posting at 3:30 am? At 8:30 last night Dianne went to take a shower so I laid down with every light source off to try to help my head a little. It was finally dark outside and barely starting to cool off (our house doesn’t seem to have insulation or any seals around its doors and windows). I laid down hoping my migraine would calm down and ended up falling asleep somehow. Of course this means I must wake up at 2am, instead of sleeping like a normal person till at least dawn (which is around 4:30am). On the upside if I end up not being able to sleep then I will hopefully be able to fall asleep for my sleep study that is tonight at 8pm.

My body refuses to cooperate to let me sleep as well. My head is doing is usual pa in that feels like my brain rattling around in my skull, my neck hurts, my hips/lower back/right leg are a tangle of screaming pain. Plus my stomach assures me it needs to be evacuated. Who lives like this? Surely there should be some doctors or something that would look at this list and say “that is terrible, let me help!” Or at least a medicine that does that. Currently I have around 6 medications for these things. My favourite things about these medications is that most of them can’t be taken more than once or twice a week. The others are the side effects. Listed for fun:

Nausea medication causes headaches

Migraine medications cause vomiting, and rebound migraines

Narcotic pain medication causes severe itchiness, migraines, and vomiting

NSAID pain medication causes rebound migraines

Nearly all meds cause drowsiness

Nausea meds make me extra sensitive to sunlight.

Sleep medication causes migraines, vertigo, memory loss

Fibromyalgia medication causes panic attacks, vomiting, headaches, muscle pain (really it sounds like it causes fibromyalgia)

Most of these medications should not be taken together.

Good luck to my organs. Most of them are being damaged by medications that allow me even the most basic functionality. Well, twice a week anyway.


unbreakable things

I broke a plate today. It’s one of those Corelle ones that’s supposed to be unbreakable unless you have tile floors, which of course we do. It shattered through the kitchen and living room, and pieces bounced so far they made it into clean dishes on the kitchen counter. Despite my feeble attempt at sweeping I’ll likely find more shards for the next few months, especially as we begin packing to move.

Right, we’re moving in a few or so months

The plate broke because some part of my body landed on it as I attempted to reach for a bowl on a shelf. In attempting to stop the plate from sticking to my bare skin, I tried to hold it in place. Unfortunately my arm is so weak and shaky I ended up watching in what I’m sure was slow motion as my hand skidded the plate to the floor. At least the sound made the cats clear the living room. It also woke the dogs.

That was at 1pm yesterday. It’s now 3am and I’m laying in bed in my 34 year old body that broke on me. I’ve attempted to wrangle pillows, a heating pad (for that arm,neck, shoulder area) and a heating blanket (for the equally sore legs and feet) into some position that will keep me comfortable for more than five minutes. I’m failing at this task.

(Restart heating pad, adjust pillows, adjust dogs, attempt to drink tea to soothe my always sore throat)

Six years ago this body was pretty good. It wasn’t as small as society and a few of my ex’s would have liked. I liked it, when I look at it now I still do. Inside it’s broken, like one of those vhs tapes that got eaten by the vcr because you watched it too many times. Now when you try it’s all messed up and all the tracking in the world won’t fix it. Maybe I used it too much, took it for granted. But who doesn’t do that, especially in their 20’s. There’s no way to know you will literally wake up one morning in severe pain that never stops. You’re not supposed to break when you’re 29. We’re not supposed to break at all.

(Adjust for pillows again)

Maybe the broken parts of me are scattered at different doctors offices, imaging centers, blood labs, emergency rooms, physical therapists…

I feel foggy now, and I must five in to pain meds. There’s always too much pain and not enough pain medication.

Dance Your Ass Off

If you don’t know this movie, I’m sorry for you

I’m inventing a new workout. Maybe it’s not new, I don’t know. I’m not researching it or anything, but I do already have a name picked out. It’s called Dance Your Ass Off (from now on referred to as DYAO). Basically, it’s just fucking dancing. All kinds of dancing, for around thirty minutes to an hour, basically whatever I can handle that day. I’m going to make a playlist of music that sounds good right before I do it, and then just dance around in my tiny ass house.

How do you start your own DYAO routine? Fuck, I don’t know, do the same thing. Hopefully you have a bigger living room. The main point here is to dance. Dance motherfucker dance! We’re not dancing to look cool, or get our cardio up, or impress someone. No, we’re fucking moving around crazy and shit because we’re fucking DANCING. You want to just do air kicks and high-five invisible friends? Awesome! Ballet, and you don’t even know ballet? Fuck yeah. Go do it, just do some Footloose movie kick dancing, then maybe some sprinkler moves, get a good bra on and do the running man for a while. Spin around as much as you can but not so much you puke.

Maybe this is a crazy persons version of sweating to the oldies. I don’t know. I’m making this up as I go along. If you are trying to work out certain parts of your body, or you go to a gym, or you actually give a fuck what people think when they see you prancing around your living room, this is not the workout for you. Also, don’t dance on furniture. I have an Ikea couch, that shit looks like it will break when I sit on it, don’t stand on the fucking Ikea furniture. Probably any furniture really. That leads to concussions, twisted ankles, having to buy a new coffee table, and not being able to fucking dance.

I read somewhere that exercising helps people with Fibromyalgia feel a little better, or maybe a lot better. When I say read an article, I mean skimmed an article at 3am because I couldn’t sleep. Seriously, if they said “dying your skin purple makes people with Fibromyalgia feel better” I would be soaking in a big ass vat of purple dye right now. I do not care anymore. Fuck being sick, I’m gonna go fucking dance.

PS: Why was the use of the word fuck so important? Because we’re fucking EXCITED fucker.

PPS: Spell check suggested instead of Fibromyalgia I use the word fibroblast, which would be a much more kick ass name for a shitty ass illness.

PPPS: I haven’t slept. This may all end in tears later.