Just write

The same advice repeats no matter where you look for “how to be a writer”. Just write!

Yeah, here’s the problem, I can’t. Not enough. Not enough to where a full story or novel in written, arranged, researched, and edited. I can do little bits here and there. I have at least 5 full novels that I have bits of, scraps saved in my email, memos, or in my “writing” file. Inevitably, my brain starts pounding, stabbing, or throbbing to where any writing is impossible and I can’t. This goes on for months. For me to just update this blog takes so much energy I can’t even keep up with it on a regular schedule.

I want to be a writer. I can’t confidently say I am a writer, because I don’t feel I have enough writing out in the world yet. I have so many stories that I love, I want to show them to everyone, but I can’t get them out. I worry that I will die before I even complete one. That is one of my goals, to complete one of these stories that I love so much.

I will not accept the idea that I am weak because I won’t “overcome” the my illness to get my writing done, or anything done for that matter. I used to think that, hell, I have a post a bit back about wishing I was strong. I am strong, I am limited by my illness, and I am going to be a writer.

(PS… this is a very post dated FUCK YOU to the person who said I just need to “get over” my migraines)


Being sick for over 3 years has made my life somewhat…. sedentary.  I have some ideas of things I would like to accomplish, what some might call a bucket list of sorts. Instead I think of it as a list that has options that can be completed daily or over time. This way I feel like I’m accomplishing things constantly, and I still have things to continue to work towards. This is the list I’ve come up with so far, in no particular order:

  • Work at the dictionary.
  • Start a cult
  • Not get an STD
  • Eat candy
  • Get someone to give me their soul
  • Get minions
  • Be published in an actual book, preferably my own
  • Wear pants
  • Keep a non cactus plant alive for 1 year or more
  • Grow a vegetable
  • Eat dragon fruit
  • Try baklava
  • See Nickelback again
  • Get at least 1 minion
  • Ride on a real train (not a public transportation subway type train)
  • Have sex (again)
  • Astral project
  • Have a zombie dinosaur movie dedicated to me (after death)
  • Put my hand in one of those dyson fan thingys

This fan

It may not seem like a big list, but I have to start somewhere. Plus I didn’t want to get out of control, and put something like “Go to Egypt” on the list, because then when I die I’ll be upset that it didn’t happen. Egypt seems too dangerous lately, especially for white female lesbian Americans. Maybe I’ll astral project there.