If I went insane

I recently posted to my twitter the top 5 things I (fairly irrationally) hate. Real hate. Don’t bother with the whole, oh you shouldn’t hate anything. I just do, and its these five things.

  1. Being told what to do (I have a club for that)
  2. Being rocked like a hurricane
  3. Smoking
  4. Ancient Rome
  5. Math

We watched this strange movie called Medium Raw: Night of the Wolf. There was a misunderstanding from the title that this would be a werewolf movie, which Dianne loves. However, Mercedes McNab was in it, and in one of the few roles I’ve seen that she doesn’t play a bimbo.

How are these two things related? Well, in the movie, this serial killer of some sort gets loose, and kills mostly everyone. Finally, someone has the bright idea of releasing this hulk like psycho guy, who becomes psychotically enraged when he sees the color red. So they somehow show him the color red a bunch, then I think dump some red paint or something on the serial killer. I don’t remember honestly.

Well, if I was to go insane and be institutionalized, this is how my scenario would play out. They would come to get me to save them from the serial killer. I wouldn’t care. Then they would play Rock You Like a Hurricane. I would become completely enraged. They would tell me to go after the serial killer, which I would not, because I hate being told what to do. But then, the serial killer would show up, I would see he’s dressed like an ancient Roman soldier, and smoking, and I would go batshit crazy attacking him. To keep my energy up, they would keep playing that horrible song, while yelling math equations at me. Then I would rip the serial killers head off. The end.

Vicodin doesn’t exist

I’m just going to type up a quick conversation I’m having with my brain. It’s also 2:40 am, there’s your context.

Me: “I should sleep. Why am I not sleepy? Stupid theoatmeal.com, if it wasn’t so interesting I wouldn’t be awake.”

Brain: “I don’t want to sleep. Put on another episode of Angel and read more of theoatmeal.com. How’s your jaw and tooth area feeling?”

Me: “I really should sleep. Its late. I think I’m tired, I might even yawn. My jaw and tooth still hurt. And I keep finding miscellaneous mouth and dentistry garbage in my mouth. Should I take something for the pain? I’ve already taken 4 Vicodin today, and lots of other things.”

Brain: “You really should take more Vicodin. I might consider sleep then, but only if you take Ambien or Sonata too. Maybe some ibuprofen just in case. And a muscle relaxer. Wait, all of that will make Stomach upset. Take a zofran too.”

Me: “That’s a ton of pills. I took most of those earlier. Vicodin and sleeping pills? Who am I now, Elvis? Plus, I think all of these eventually will do damage to my liver, or was it my kidneys…”

Brain: “Shhhh. It’s ok. If you can’t feel the effects of the drugs, then the drugs don’t exist. It’s basically like they just decided not to digest and enter your bloodstream. You’re just going to poop them out later. It’ll be ok. Who has been telling you these lies about your organs? Was it Gall Bladder, that bitch, where’s my shovel.”

Me: “You know, this chat is a bit insane. Maybe we should give each other some space…”

random internets

A Refugee?

I got nothin’ right now. I’m busy trying to write three stories so there is no time for a real post. However, in making dinner today I noticed a strange potato I was getting ready to chop. It oddly looked like a russian nesting doll. Maybe its a refugee? Or it went through some sort of metamorphosis. Sorry refugee potato, but you had to be made into stew.

a potato trying to disguise itself as a Russian Nesting Doll