Doctors Orders: My Fat is Good

I know I’m on hiatus, but I had to share this strange slightly convoluted medical thing.

So my follow ups with my Gynecologist lead to seeing an Oncologist. Scary, but wait.

So all the guts they took out in my surgery were, well, confused. It boils down to that while there were bits of cancer in the cut out guts, there is none currently in my body (yay). This apparently made test results in the middle of “cancer” and “no cancer”. Which to me sounds like someone being sort of pregnant, but ok sure.

My oncologist is very positive with this outlook, while my gynecologist said something along the lines of “well its a good thing we did the surgery, otherwise the cancer would have spread without any indication and you would be dead in a year” Ok, I know I am ok, but knowing that is a bit terrifying.

Last, in the strange but good part: I can’t take hormone replacement therapy because of the almost real cancer. So I’m 34 and all menopausey. However, as my gynecologist said, real quote here, “because you are big, not a normal size, your fat produces estrogen. That will make the menopause easier for you. You are above a normal persons bmi, so the hormones from your fat are good”

Take that, my fat is good for me. Go me and my fat.

Another time I might talk about all the tiny, difficult things that led up to the surgery so that I’m not dead in a year.

gigantus (2)
PS: Here is a stray puppy that wandered into the yard. We’re trying to find her a home. It was like the universe said “here’s a gift: a cute puppy! Oh yeah, it chews everything, so watch that… enjoy!”

Like and Don’t Like

I’m very full of angst tonight, the last puppy from the litter we’ve been fostering goes to her new home tomorrow. I can’t sleep and I’m more upset about it than I thought. Making lists calms me, its the Virgo in me.

Like:

tea

animals

fruit

socialism

democrats

polytheism

classic rock

Nickelback

Ancient Egypt

Renaissance Art

Sex

Zombies

Ballroom Dancing

Reading

String Theory

My feet

teaching children curse words

Spiders

interesting crime

women

Joss Whedon tv shows

Theater

Sushi

The zoo

good vodka

tattoos

Pause: wtf is going on this episode of xena?? (season 6 ep 13, seriously, wtf)

when homophobes get caught being gay

nice bathrooms

the mouse that lives in our stove (Bob)

President Obama

comic book movies

horror movies

Australia (I’ve never been there, but I heard its awesome)

Stand Up Comedy

the picts that defeated Romes 9th Legion

Bookmans bookstore

Starbucks

Don’t Like:

Puppy Rogue going home tomorrow

Puppy poop on my couch

The jesus theme in Xena

Being rocked like a hurricane

Creepy straight guys

commercials

pickled things that aren’t pickles

religious music trying to sound like regular music

monotheistic religion

Romans

things coming at me from the tv

staring babies

babies

children

most humans

female genital mutilation

math

camping

cockroaches

republicans

smoking

germs

the military

redneck comedy

kitten heels

modern art

factory farming

genetically modified foods

 

No Stories?

So you’re going, “WTF? Where the hell are these stories I keep hearing about that will be on this site?”

Well, I spent the last few days having the worst migraine on the planet that doesn’t cause death. I also was over heated, which makes my whole body feel worse because of this “possible fibromyalgia” thing. Also, I haven’t been sleeping well, partially due to some of the most horrifying puppy farts in existence. Seriously, they make me feel sick. Thankfully the puppy will be going to her new home this weekend. That still leaves me with dog farts, but fewer of them.

So there are all of my excuses. I really do have plenty of stories to share. I will promise to put one up tomorrow, really, I swear.

Here are a few interesting tips:

Three ambien will make you either A: hallucinate or B: see other dimensions

Grapefruit is a very bad idea with many many medications, including allergy medication and xanex. Look it up. I’m not kidding.

I love grapefruit, and I miss it.

APS power company is evil, and I firmly believe most of their charges are not for electricity, but for anal raping.

That last thing makes me think of this: